Which Basketball Position Fits Your Personality?

Now hiring: one member of a starting five. Full time, eleven months a year, plus playoffs if things go well. Responsibilities include running, jumping, being yelled at by a man in a sport coat and pretending not to hear the fans behind the bench. Requirements: decent sneakers, willingness to sweat in public, and the ability to look surprised when the referee calls a foul you obviously committed. Benefits: free orange slices and occasional confetti.

There are several openings, and each one comes with its own personality test. One person dribbles up the court and tells everyone where to stand, like a tour guide with a whistle in their soul. One lives for the moment the ball leaves their fingertips from twenty five feet away. One does a little of everything and gets called versatile by commentators. And one stands near the basket like a lighthouse, protecting the paint and blocking shots with the patience of a bouncer.

Apply now by answering fifteen questions about group projects, parties and pressure. Our highly qualified hiring committee, which is a scoring algorithm wearing a headband, will place you in the position that suits you best. No tryouts needed. Bring your own towel.