Which Grandparent Type Would You Be?

NOW HIRING: Grandparent. Full time, lifetime contract, no salary, paid entirely in crayon drawings and sticky hugs. Responsibilities include feeding small people who claim they already ate, answering the question "but why" up to forty times per hour, and keeping a drawer of emergency candy that the parents officially know nothing about. Experience not required. Patience strongly preferred.

Applicants tend to fall into four groups. The Cookie Dispatcher keeps a tin on the counter that refills itself through some kind of kitchen magic. The Adventure Grandparent shows up with a kayak on the roof rack and zero intention of napping. The Story Vault can turn a chipped teacup into a forty minute epic about the summer of 1971. And The Group Chat Menace sends good morning messages before sunrise, with flowers, every single day.

None of these candidates is wrong. Each one is the reason somebody grows up knowing they were loved, even if the method involves caps lock.

Fill out the application below. Fifteen questions about Sunday lunches, fridge magnets, birthday gifts and your relationship with your phone will show which kind of grandparent you were born to be. No references needed. The grandkids will vouch for you anyway.