NOW HIRING: Gym Buddy. Full time, unpaid, very early mornings. The ideal candidate can spot a bench press, hold a water bottle and say one more rep with total conviction even when it is clearly a lie. Benefits include shared protein bars, borrowed hair ties and someone to blame when you skip leg day. Previous experience standing near a squat rack is preferred but not required.
Four candidates have applied so far. One brought a speaker and a whistle. One brought a laminated workout plan with color coded tabs. One brought gossip and a smoothie and has not touched a single weight since March. And one brought headphones, nodded once and has not spoken in six weeks.
This short interview will figure out which applicant you are. You'll be asked about early alarms, sweaty mirrors, unsolicited advice, playlists and the person who never wipes down the machine. Answer honestly. Nobody is checking your form here, except possibly the candidate with the spreadsheet.
Grab your towel, fill your bottle and start the quiz. HR will be in touch eventually, right after their cooldown.
